Currently - March 2021

March! March has been....pretty good? There's still a whole day left, and who knows where that big boat will get stuck next, or what kind of global trauma could descend upon us all. But so far March has brought vaccines for Brian and I, the first friend hangout since this summer, and Everett getting to meet his great-grandparents. All lovely, lovely things. I have the smallest glimmer of hope that maybe someday I'll be able to re-establish all the parts of my personality that were slowly stripped away over the course of a year of pandemic, pregnancy, and postpartum. The trifecta! Fingers crossed.

Inspired by - 

A bunch of illustrators I started following on Instagram. I've pinned approximately 20 new pieces of art I want for our home.

Watching -

Scientology and the Aftermath. So fascinating and heart wrenching. On the lighter side, we subscribed to Discovery+ so we've been watching a lot of Four Weddings, Ace of Cakes, and Comedians on Couches, where three comedians watch House Hunters together. It's probably the best covid content I've seen.

Reading - 

I read The Book of Longings by Sue Monk Kidd and I'm still thinking about it. It's told from the perspective of Ana, the wife of Jesus, and it's a very feminist and thoughtful story. Highly recommend, no matter your spiritual leanings. 

Thinking about - 

Do the kids have any summer clothes? Do I want a pair of Tevas? How will we ever keep the tiny toys away from Everett once he's more mobile? When can I go to the movies? What was the content of all the notes I lost on my phone?

Listening to - 

My new spring* playlist. (I say spring, but I will likely keep adding on to it all year)

Researching - 

Houses we can never afford, in neighborhoods we can never live in, with giant yards that my kids will never play in. Grumble grumble grumble.

Cooking + Eating + Drinking - 

It's been almost a year of Brian and I having bruschetta for dinner like, every week. I had a craving for it when I was pregnant last summer and it just...kind of stuck. I have been saving a lot of recipes but not cooking any of them. Hoping I get the motivation to try a little more. It's always a hard slog back to that space after a pregnancy and getting back to work.

Grateful for - 

Vaccinated friends and family, sleeping in on Saturday, curious hilarious children. 

What the girls are into - 

June has been taking very good care of her babies, and most recently birthed a tiny baby monkey named polka dot. Her list of "cool things" is garbage trucks, dinos, and airplanes. She desperately wants a pair of pink crocs.

Norah has circled back to her love of LOL dolls and was delighted today that she was wearing her LOL shirt and LOL backpack and had an LOL coloring book to put inside that backpack. She's currently stuck on the word "donut" and drew a picture of a donut house on the calendar to remind us to pick up weekend donuts. She was NOT pleased that she had to continue to wear her puffer coat after the first day of spring. 

What Everett is doing - 

Everett is having a big month! He's started rolling onto his stomach all the time, and just this week has been able to 360 his way across the blanket. Rolling across the living room is in our very near future. He has also popped his first tooth and has been very chill about it? 

Missing - 

Nothing specific, but I keep doing that thing where I look at too many old pictures on Facebook or listen to mix cd's from college and get that bad kind of nostalgia.  

Looking forward to - 

A summer that feels more like a real summer. Baby Animal Days (we already have tickets!). Farmer's markets and good produce.

Can be found wearing dress-up shoes for the majority of her waking hours.
Also Spiderman gloves 

I truly cannot.

Does your pet ever third-wheel your hand-holding?

Normal Ice Cream at Harmons!

Meeting a new friend and v into it.

An extremely helpful cat.

Notes from a Pandemic Pregnancy

It felt poignant to publish this on March 19th, the anniversary of the last day I went to work in "normal times". We watered the plants, I made sure to take the banana out of my snack drawer, and we closed the doors, expecting to be back in a couple weeks. I mean, we all know how that went. 

At the time I was about 12 weeks pregnant and felt relieved that by time the baby came in October, this would all be over with. Again, we all know how that went.

This was a weirder than normal pregnancy, and these are the things I want to remember about it. 

- The day I found out I was pregnant we were trying to talk about it without "talking" about it in front of the girls. We took them outside and watched them ride bikes while talking a little, but mostly just staring and doing that thing where you seem like you may say something, but then nothing comes out. 

- I ended up going to my first OB appointment alone because daycare was closed unexpectedly. This was in February, and I had no idea that I would end up going to every single appointment alone. They confirmed the pregnancy and I texted Brian that there was "ONE HEALTHY BABY!" while they were still doing the ultrasound. (first concern is always a healthy baby, followed closely by the possibility that there's a second one hiding in there...)

- Covid things were escalating alongside my nausea and exhaustion. I vividly recall the day I spent my lunch break laying underneath my desk, using my emergency backpack for a pillow, while Sara watched CNN and we listened to Trump talk about bailing out the cruise companies. 

- I had a hard time sleeping early on, so I had come out to the living room in the middle of the night. I was awoken by what I thought was our building falling down. Nope, just the biggest earthquake I've ever experienced. Fun!

- Brian went back to work about a month after quarantine started. I continued to work from home and tried my best to keep the girls happy. Our days included many viewings of Frozen 2, daily outside time, so many craft kits from Joann's, and a daily nap for me and June while Norah got iPad time. Also, for the duration of my morning sickness times, the girls ate mostly lunchables and pb&j for lunch, and I ate canned ravioli like 4 times a week. 

- Not pregnancy related, but during this time Norah suddenly decided that sleeping in her own bed was the lamest, and climbed into bed with us every night. After a couple weeks we set up a floor bed for her, and every morning I would wake up to her next to the bed, snoozing away.

- We borrowed a home doppler per the recommendation of my midwife. There were many nights where we would wait to make sure Norah was done with her nightly routine of getting out of bed 12 times (this is making me realize and appreciate that she just goes to bed and sleeps now. What a dream!) and then Brian would find the baby’s heartbeat with the doppler while I laid on the couch and we would just listen to it for a while. 

- I did not mind isolation in that it meant I got hardly any comments from strangers regarding my body/pregnancy/thoughts on epidurals.

- We told the girls after a 14 week ultrasound looked good. Norah was very very excited and June seemed happy, if mostly oblivious. This led to a summer of pregnant Elsas (and newborn babies...).

- As I mentioned, I had to go to all my OB appointments alone. It wasn't that bad, especially since the majority were virtual, but I had a definite pang of sadness during the big 20 week ultrasound. I was facetiming with Brian during the whole thing, but I was far from the monitor and my arm got tired holding up my phone and the girls (understandably) lost interest about 4 minutes in. 

- I was very #blessed that Ashley was also pregnant all summer, so we could just text each other constantly about how miserable pregnancy was and try to brainstorm any food options that didn't sound disgusting.

- I moved to in-person appointments for most of the third trimester and for my veeeery last one, Brian got to come along to get his flu shot. It was a very low-key appointment, but he got to hear the heartbeat filling up the room and it was a moment of lovely normalcy during a very weird time. 

Pregnancy is a lot, a third pregnancy is a lot, and a third pregnancy during a pandemic is a lot. It was hard and I cried a whole bunch. But I do think it helped keep me sane. I was progressing towards something, even during a period where time seemed irrelevant, and nothing was happening. It gave me something to look forward to when news and politics made me spiral. It was a bright spot for our family when we had all been in the house together way too much. And luckily, all the anxiety and crying and crap becomes an afterthought once that fresh baby is handed to you for the very first time.

Currently - February 2021

Another month has passed! Somehow!

Inspired by - 

The small hints of spring coming. My brain and soul are ready for this seasonal change. I need more fresh air, more walks, and more daffodils from Trader Joes. Also, Inspired isn't the right descriptor, but I chopped off my pandemic hair and it felt like such a relief. 

Watching -

Brian and I have made it through all of 90 Day Fiancé and are now in season 3 of Before The 90 Days. It's the best best trash. (I've been following each episode up with the podcast recap by Reality Gays and it's *chef's kiss*). I blew through The Wilds because Lost with teen girls is extremely my jam. And in my quest to see all the major movies I missed as a kid/teen we watched Fifth Element and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Both fun, would only rewatch Bill and Ted. 

Reading - 

I read the newest Sophie Kinsella book, Love Your Life, and haven't picked up another book since. And I've had loans just sitting on my kindle! Starting a new book is such a hurdle for me sometimes, and my goal this week is to start ANYTHING.

Thinking about - 

Nothing and everything. Everyone seems to have hit a pandemic wall with a full year almost passing and I am one of them. My brain is constantly whirring but nothing seems to stick or progress much. Also thinking about how Brian thought the girls had ravaged a pack of cookies because of how it was opened and left in the pantry, but it was actually me.

Listening to - 

A 3-disc Disney music collection any time there are children in my car. I've become this person now. Like, I purchased that cd pack THIS month. My live is ruled by people who can't tie their own shoes. (Sidebar. Should I have taught Norah to tie her shoes by now?)

Dream life -  

I'm probably dreaming but I don't remember it. 

Researching - 

Koala costumes for babies, vintage miniatures, Airbnb's with their own pool, and this thing where Ex-Mormons are getting really into mushrooms. (Not me personally. Not yet, at least.)

Cooking + Eating + Drinking - 

Last week I made one of my best decisions and got a loaf of sourdough bread in our grocery order. I then proceeded to have the greatest toasts of my life for lunch all weekend. This month, the girls and I made valentine's cookies and a lemon cake. June also helped with dinner whenever I would let her and then mostly still wouldn't eat it.

Grateful for - 

Tax returns, a mental health day, take-out + garbage tv, any nap I can snag on the weekend.

What the girls are into - 

June has been very into gloves. All the time. Mittens or gloves, or even a pair of socks will suffice. Sometimes she will wear them for naps. 

Norah - loves Everett. Will completely beeline by me in the morning so she can tell him good morning. Spends time "teaching" him from his crunchy books and showing him all his toys.

I took them to pick up dinner the other night and we had the windows down and they were both extremely elated by it. Pandemic kids, ya'll. It takes very little to excite them. 

What Everett is doing - 

Ev's only goal in life right now is to get his feet in his mouth. He tries to roll, but only if he's on the couch, because he wakes up every day and chooses danger. He will roll from stomach to back, but never seems that happy about it. He is v v drooly right now and is continues to be a happy little squish.  

Missing - 

A clearer mind. Doing normal things and not being reminded of the whole, like, global pandemic thing. 

Looking forward to - 

Wearing dresses. Not pumping anymore. Friend hangs.